Managing Challenging Behaviour - Autism

Introduction

Challenging behaviour refers to behaviours that are difficult to manage and this can look different for every family. For example, a common expectation might be not interrupting a conversation. However, a child may interrupt because they feel they have something important to say or a need to be met and may become frustrated when not listened to.

Children with autism may:

● Not fully understand social expectations

● Understand expectations but not agree with them

● Struggle to cope with constant changes in rules. This can sometimes result in meltdowns.

Remember: Children with autism are still children. They might push boundaries and use behaviours that have worked for them in the past until they no longer do, then frustration builds for both the child and the adult.

Meltdown vs Tantrum

Understanding the difference is key:

Meltdown

● Control: Not in control

● Signs: Glazed-over look, distress is overwhelming

● Best approach: Observe safely from a distance

Tantrum

● Control: In control

● Signs: Crocodile tears, stop when the goal is met

● Best approach: May be resolved by giving in but not ideal long term

Key Strategy:

1. Notice the difference

2. Change your reaction

Understanding the "Why" Behind the Behaviour

Instead of asking “what” can I do, focus on “why” is this happening? There can be several reasons for behaviour but to start, I would begin thinking about the 5 main motivations behind behaviours:

1. Tangible – Wants an item (e.g. toys, snacks)

2. Avoidance – Wants to escape a situation

3. Attention – Any reaction (positive or negative) is attention

4. Sensory – The behaviour feels good or relieves something

5. Expression – Lacks words, so expresses through actions. We all look for the easiest way to get what we want, even children.

This isn't to say these are the only reasons behaviour can occur, it is s very complex subject. However, keeping these motivators in mind can provide an initial guideline to begin problem solving appropriate solutions. Instead of viewing behaviours as defiance, consider them skills still being learned. Pick your battles. Focus on a few key skills at a time rather than trying to change everything at once.

Setting Goals

● Realistic – Based on the child’s strengths and limits

● Shared – Between family members, teachers, and other supports

● Skill-focused – Choose skills the child is ready to learn

● Strength-based – Mix difficult and easier skills to build confidence

● Autonomy-building – Allow the child to manage parts of the task independently

Example Goal Plan:

● Why: Child interrupts for attention

● Goal: Learn to wait their turn

● Skill: Tolerance

● Autonomy: Prompt with “wait a minute please”; gradually reduce prompts

Rewards vs Punishments

Punishments:

● Quick results

● Does not teach replacement behaviours

● May cause resentment or secrecy

● Doesn’t build trust

Rewards:

● Affirms effort (“I saw you try, well done!”)

● Provides clear direction

● Builds trust and resilience

● Encourages intrinsic motivation

We’re all motivated by reward—children are no different.

Setting Expectations. Be specific and proactive:

● “I expect you to wait for 1 minute if I ask.”

● “I expect calm hands when you’re feeling angry.”

● “I expect you to walk away instead of swearing.” Avoid just saying: “Don’t hit” or “Don’t swear.”

Ignore Unwanted Behaviour (When Safe)

● Tough but important, especially when a behaviour previously worked for the child

● Behaviour may escalate before it improves

● Always ensure safety, but don't reinforce the behaviour

Example: If a child is hitting a sibling to get attention:

● Intervene for safety (separate them)

● Repeat expectation: “Kind hands, please.”

● Don’t engage with the hitting itself Once they use “kind hands,” provide attention: “I saw you were cross, but you used kind hands. Well done! I’m going to spend time with you now.”

Using Visual Aids

Example scenario:

● Two adults are talking

● Child interrupts → parent says “1 minute please”

● Visual timer is set

● Child protests → ignored

● Timer ends → parent responds with attention.

The child learns that the timer is consistent and reliable, and tantrums don’t change the outcome.

Final Thoughts

• This is tough, slow work—acknowledge the effort it takes.

• Crucial for long-term behaviour change.

• All caregivers must be on the same page.

• Notice small wins. Even a one-minute shorter meltdown is progress. You deserve acknowledgment too!